He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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