and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
the day after is always just damage control
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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