oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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