I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
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