What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
