Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
