she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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