Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
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