you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
