I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
