dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
