KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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