It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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