Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize