We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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