peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
We're too hungover to prance.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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