I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
