i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I just had sex on a roof
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
