guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
