I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
im holly from the hills drunk
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I just googled if crying burns calories
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
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