I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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