Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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