i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
