I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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