i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
