Where is the hickey?
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize