she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize