RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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