So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize