You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
