why didn't you poke me back
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Randomize
