I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
