He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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