Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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