Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
