Ambien. No doubt about it.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
