honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
