What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
