Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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