my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
