Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
