On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I'm at about main and main street
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
