just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
