I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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