I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
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