last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
