Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i think my tv is drunk
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize