wat bout pragnant strippers??
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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