check it out our google latitudes are spooning
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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