So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
