you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
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