i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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