there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
