Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
