im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
