you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
