I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
