im about as happy as oj after his trial
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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