Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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