I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
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