Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
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