In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
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