I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
