Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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