i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
