What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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