Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
