I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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