Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
