Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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