"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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