I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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