I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
