seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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