I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
