i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Randomize
